indulge in my desires

2007-02-01T00:27:00.000+08:00

2006-12-23T12:18:00.000+08:00

Complications

the ironies in life, something i can never understand. our lives can often be made so simple but yet we choose to complicate our lives so much that we sometimes dont even understand what is going on in life. nothing changes the fact that we are faced with shits everyday so why not just face up to them wit courage instead of running away from them? since these shits come daily, why not solve them slowly a step at a time instead of rushing into them?

the journey of life is never a smooth sailing trip. why not just follow ur heart and go with ur dreams? why go with the flow? isn't it tiring to be living up to someone else's expectations instead of ur own? i am not trying to go against the flow of life but i am just having my own doubts about these issues. i am tired of following one direction in life and i just wanna do something different for a change. would it be a mistake? no one knows. would i regret making these decisions? no one knows either but all i know is that for now, by following my heart is what i really will be happy with,

2006-12-18T12:36:00.000+08:00

i found myself hand banging to the music at the gig at gas haus yesterday. good grief, hardcore matel, emo core rock, and all sorts of extreme music. pple were moshing and everything else it was massive gig boy. i think i am beginning to like such music! music that many call noise is starting to sound beautiful to my ears. i guess many would think that it is absoulutely crazy to listen to such music but it really isn;t and i am saying this, it rocks! Kim was playing bass yesterday. his band did a fantastic job but its such a pity that by the time they performed, the crowd was already gone. its ok i guess cus on tues we are gonna head for another gig that will absoulutely blow everyone away! whoosh! i cant wait. this is so exciting. i wanna play in a rock band too! ok i am getting all sorts of crazy ideas from such gigs. shall control my fetish for emo fucks waha! aytes this was just a super random post anyways

2006-12-18T12:23:00.000+08:00

since you've been gone

its been one year since everything happened. been a rather fullfilling year for me. did lotsa stuff for myself and i managed to land a whole new identity for myself. i would not say that i do not think of the past anymore but everyday the thoughts get lesser and lesser. i no longer hope for u to come back anymore and i know it will no longer happen. ur happy with ur other half and i am happy for u too. hopefully one day we can be friends once again.

u still know me as who i was two yrs ago.

2006-12-13T02:08:00.000+08:00

count on no one

what are promises for?
are they really meant to be kept
or are they just meant to be broken.

i know i may appear to be really cynical about what i have to say in this next post but i will say it anyway. no one can really be counted on cause everyone would definitely have a time where they will turn you down. i sometimes think about it and i find myself really tired. i am tired of what i am doing for everyone. no one seems to notice me despite me helping and i sometimes think, in that case why should i even bother? i am so tired of not having someone to count on. everything in my life is so unpredictable and sometimes i wish that my life can just be the life of any other typical people. gosh. i have absolutely no idea what is going on.

sometimes the only way to fly is to fall down but miss the ground

2006-12-10T02:28:00.000+08:00

i made a statement that was totally contradicting but it kinda represented whatever that was inside me! here is how the conversation went.

friend: so are u waiting for her?
me: i really dunno cus everything is really kinda messed up.
me: but the weirdest thing is i feel at ease depite all these mess.

what i said totally left me puzzled but i guess i have learnt to adapt to messes and learn to feel and get comfortable with them.:)

i do admit that there are times when i totally hate the mess i am in and despise my life so much that i wished i could end it but right now as times go by, i am slowly learning to get comfy with my mess. not that i am being submissive to my mess but i am just trying to take care of my mess from another perspective. i have learnt to be responsible and to clear up my mess, wells at least that is what i was brought up to do, and i also finally understood how it really feels like to be clearing someone else's mess and i absolutely hate that sort of feeling and so i shall spare the pple who might be affected by my actions the agony of clearing up my mess.:) i know i am nice and i am beiginning to see that-grins-

2006-12-06T05:58:00.000+08:00

Stop

i am so sick and tired of ur stares.
u think of me like some shit when we meet
but when u get home u ask me all sorts of crap.
u interrogate me like i am ur criminal.
u make it sound like i still need to report to u about my every single move.
so what if the girl u saw with me is m the one like?
so what if it is not? it is no longer any of ur busniess i believe.
u were the one who ended it and moved on
but right now u act like ur totally doing something else.
fuck it ok?! leave me alone and let me be.
i hate ur guts and ur ego is way too big for ur own good.
i deserve the fun that i am having and just shut that gap if ur jealous.
u piss me off big time.

Neurotic exs.. gosh. absolutely absurd and retarded.

2006-12-02T01:35:00.000+08:00

Maybe?

Maybe just maybe my independence is starting to get in the way. someone said that its really hard to be nice to me cus i just simply wont agree to others help. maybe something is just really wrong with me and my lifestyle right now that sometimes i myself have difficulties living my life.

i guess deep withing me, i still fear rejection and i cant seem to go about making myself happy. i often think to myself what on earth exactly is stopping me? so many questions in my head yet so many left unanswered

2006-11-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

my thoughts can come under one major factor in causing all these complication in my life. i tend to think too much about everything and anything and too much pondering would only cause me to let many many oppurtunity slipp right pass my fingers and brush right across my skin. dam... sometimes i totally detest this part of me.

2006-11-24T01:08:00.000+08:00

Torn

i sometimes find myself torn between making the right decision and making myself happy. i hate such situations cus either way i wont be able to satisfy any criteria at any one time.

2006-11-23T01:25:00.000+08:00

WOW!

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People born under the sign of Aquarius live a life full of changes and surprises, their ruling planet is Uranus, which makes them rebellious, independent, and unconventional. Aquarius people cannot stand boring, static, or monotonous relationships.
Aquarius Dating Tip:Aquarius emotions are fiery, intense, and changeable. They easily become enthusiastic when they meet someone and just as easily become disenchanted. If you are looking for a long lasting relationship, don't get your hopes up too soon. Another Aquarius dating tip: If you are on a first date with an Aquarius have fun and enjoy the moment. Aquarius people are great entertainers. Where it goes from there is entirely up to the two of you.

Wow i am impressed by the infomation given by this website!

2006-11-21T00:24:00.000+08:00

Empty promises

Stop making promises that you cant fulfill. it pisses the shit out of me big time. you choose to rant ur asses out at me telling me about everything and who can i rant to? did that thought ever cross your mind? i control my temper just so that i am able to maintain the respect that i have for u pple but guess what, u had to force me to a point where i have no choice but to raise my voice.

you know sometimes, i feel so terrible shouting at u but u know what? you forced me into it. you refuse to budge even when there is space for negotiation. you make everything seem like its my fault and all these ratings may just be rantings to u but u farking hell know what? to me it is more than just rant. it is adding to the stress that i am facing already so it would be really nice if you can just farking hell give me some peace.

things wont turn out this way if you had put down a lil bit of your parenting ego. it hurts me to say this but i am farking hell sick and tired of putting down whatever pride i have in me left behind but the numerous quarrels and the non stop nagging by you just to make things right again. FACE IT! when we don't talk about things, it does not mean that the farking problem does not exist or niether does it stop the problem from growing. the problem is that both if us are just too stubborn and u know what? i am sick and tired of this shit so would u plesase leave me alone and give me some space? your cooperation would be greatly appreciated. as my parents, pls spare some thought for your teenage daughter who happens to be going to a tough transitional period in her life and it would be good if u could lessen the arleady increasing toll on me.

i may not be exactily the person that u think i am.

2006-11-16T00:55:00.000+08:00

SECOND POST.

my mind is really causing me much troubles sometimes. when i start thinking and pondering about a simple issue, the thoughts will never stop.

i was wondering, how many people can actually think with a rational mind in situations when u find yourself losing control of your emotions and your thoughts? Me, being someone who usually lets my rationality and my stubborness talk pple out of doing something, i sometimes find my own rationality causing harm to myself. maybe rationality does hurt.

i often think with a overly rational mind to such an extent where i sometimes would come across as being ruthless. i only camr to realise this after so much that has happened in the past. i let my rationality take control of so many situations that i regret. doing what i think was right was a very selfish act of mine and i dont wish to give myself any excuses for doing that. but i came across a book that explains about how pple always think that they are being rationaly by doing something but in actual fact, they are really being irrational.

what is rationality ? i ask myself this. isit the things you do that willl put u in the best position or isit the things u do that will allow others to be happy? is a rational decision always fair? isit always selfish? i want to find my answers to these questions.

if only i had chose to stay truthful to my subconscious mind, i would go on making a that mistake
but too bad, i decided to let my rationality take control of situations then.

2006-11-16T00:28:00.000+08:00

Untittled.

i guess many of u have heard enough about me ranting on and on about how badly i did for the paper today. my performance was totally disappointing. tears were litearally flowing as i attempted my paper.

today is not a day that i will call "a good day". missing cash, horribly done work and a totally shagged out mind. gosh how long more can i go on like this seriously? my body is breaking apart( not literally though), my mind is constantly filled with thoughts yet at the same time it feels so empty. o wells call it contradiction but i really do not care anymore. i am starting to feel so uncomfortable around people and i seriously cannot take my mind off my problems. i really wish i can know what is happening to me.

2006-11-11T04:16:00.000+08:00

great day, great break through, great conversations, great laughters.

2006-11-10T01:36:00.000+08:00

Ingulge in youself.

i am still sleeping at the most ungodly hour of the day and waking up at the most ridiculous timings! gosh. let me make this clear, i cant sleep. it is not because i refuse to. i don't even feel a single bit of exhausion at all. i guess maybe its due to the slacking around when i am with my loves.

i have been enjoying life very much but sometimes i wonder if my happiness is really just a facade. i may seem to indulge in my desires but i can't seem to find the reason for my emotional emptiness deep down within me.

IS THIS OLD WOMAN STARTING TO FEEL LONELY?! i start to ask myself this and i cant seem to find an answer to it. i wonder why.

2006-11-06T22:48:00.000+08:00

Show me how to love cus i no longer know how to.

2006-11-05T01:51:00.000+08:00

I never asked for this feeling
I never thought I would fall
I never knew how I felt
Till the day you were gone
I was lost
I never asked for red roses
I wasn’t looking for love
Somehow I let my emotions take hold
And guess what all at once
I’m in love

Chorus
Oh I miss you so much
I long for your love
It’s scares me
Cuz my heart gets so weak
That I can’t even breathe
How can you take things so easily
Baby why aren’t you missing me

Why did I act like you mattered
It was silly of me to believe
That if I just opened my heart
Things would come naturally
Jokes on me yeah
I did not ask for love letters
So why did you give them to me
How could I let your intentions
Get hold over me
So in love
So naive oh baby

Chorus

And oh how I hate what you have done
Made me fall so deep in love
Got no cure
You’re the only one I want
That I love oh baby

Chorus

Baby why aren’t you missing me
Baby why aren’t you missing me

this song goes on and on in my head and it just leaves my mind blank. i have no idea why am i still so bothered by the past. aren't i suppose to be paractising what i preach? but why is everything still coming back to me when i sit alone in the middle of the night? its time to stop blaming anyone and just go on living my life and making sure i wont commit the same mistakes again. as much as everyone tells me i have a good catch in front of me, i cant picture myself falling for this person. its the thoughts of falling in love all over again and not being able to have any control of my feelings at all. maybe this is what they all call.. FEAR

2006-11-03T02:52:00.000+08:00

Randomness

right now as i sit and i think about it, maybe it was stupid of me to send u that email. you cant even be bothered at all to reply my email. what actually made me think that even if i made the first move, things betewwn us would be fine? o gosh how dumb of me.

its alright cus i know i am feeling a whole lot better and i have finally found the closure to my past, something that i have always wanted. i stepped into year 2006 feeling like fuck and no i am not going to step into 2007 feeling like fuck again. the past is of the past and its only right to let it go. if i dont let it go now then when is the right time? i wont wanna let the way things are affect my life. i have made a choice to clear things up but the rest is really up to u to decide. i cant make the decision on behalf of u so till the day u decide, i shall just go on living. what ever comes, comes. whatever goes, goes. its just the art of learning how to detach urself from a difficult situation without hurting yourself too much.

its times like this that i have to start being selfish.

2006-10-31T01:59:00.000+08:00

Each day as i face more and more death around me, i am suddenly awaken to reality. I suddenly start to wonder what would happen if the people around me left day by day? I cant seem to face this issue calmly. The people i wish to forgive, what if they left even before i could tell them how i really felt and how much i wanna talk to them again. I suddenly see the need to treasure time and to treasure the people around me. Maybe i am being to paranoid but whatever it is i cant accept the fact that time is so valuable but yet it often slips away so quickly in the blink of an eye and there is no way of turning back time no matter how much money you have. I am scared, i have to admit i really am. I have no idea how to go about facing the death of pple of so much importance in my life. No one can ever be prepared for death and i know that very well but i just wish that i can take things calmly. As i read the papers, i see the angel of death taking away the lives of those who are so young and so talented in the midst of their sleep. I also see people taking life in their own hands and choosing to end it due to some setbacks in life. I wonder what exactly is the value of life. I know it varies for everyone but isn't life suppose to be filled with setbacks and challenges? Even robots faces problems and they tend not to function once in a while but that does not mean that they cant be fixed just the the mind of the human being. Slipping into depression or even in a state of desperation, is there really no way out but only to seek death? Here i am fearing the arrival of my final days and there are actually people out there foolishly taking their lives away in such a cruel manner. What's worst is that they don't know how many people who actually care for them are hurt.

promises are broken not because its done on purpose but because it lies in the sub conscious mind to have the urge to break that promise. i once told you i would be there always but ur actions are just making me wanna break my promises to u.

2006-10-28T15:40:00.000+08:00

Death.

Death is something that the normal human mankind would have two different reactions towards. Some fear death, some just find it a natural process in life and face it with so much courage. Right from the very moment we set foot in life, the very moment our mothers brought us in to this very world, we were faced with many different lifestyles. some of us were born into rich families with nothing to worry about financially, some were born into poor families where they had to strive so hard just to get what they wanted in life, but ultamately, we are all faced with one and only kind of ending, DEATH.

The time we set foot into this life, we have our very own set of problems and we were often put to the test through these problems and to solve it. There are times where we would just stop and ponder, "why am i left to clear up this shit, why do shits always happen to me" but we often make these statements withoug considering the fact that every single person we see out there are facing the same amount of shits that we are facing with.

If you ask me am i afraid of death, frankly speaking, i am. There may be so many times where i wish i can get out of this shits my using death but most of the times, when i think of death, i think of sorrow and i think of a tearful departure. My life may not be as perfect as i may want it to be but there are just way too many things that i cant bear to leave behind. Then again, who am i to decide on my destiny, to decide on how i want my life to go?

Sometimes i think to myself how much life is of a contradiction. you may face up with so much of ups and downs, you may have so much of money and have such a blissful marriage but when life comes to an end, you would leave with nothing at all, just as simple as the day you entered this world.

2006-10-24T21:29:00.000+08:00

i have done some self reflections.
but there are some questions left unanswered in my head.
have i been a disappointment?

look back and think of the past
you will be amazed by the changes you see.

2006-10-24T04:51:00.000+08:00

Great step forward

i suddenly feel such a sense of relieve.
i took my first step to breaking the silence between this particular person and i. the feeling is so hard to describe cause right now i feel like i have taken a huge load off my shoulders and i have finally taken a step to make myself feel better and on top of that to find a closure to that broken relationship that we had. i realised i have been living in so much denial and so much pain that if i were to continue to wallow myself in self pity then i would be the only obstacle to get over this long rough patch that i have been through. i dont expect anything in return but only to feel better on my part. by breaking the silence i know i have made myself feel a whole lot better. i know i would probably be in such a diffficult position for the next couple of days and its another long road to recuperation but i know in the long run, i would face my difficulties with even more courage and independence. believe it or not, i am actually feeling so light that i finally can put myself to bed without having the thought of talking to her cause i know i have already taken that step and the rest is all up to her. how she chooses to react to that email, if she should delete it or to reply me its all on her part right now. i have done what i possibly can do and i have absoulutely no regrets about it.

its only a simple step
but its a step of maturity
a step to find peace within myself.

2006-10-24T02:33:00.000+08:00

Friendship

friends are people whom we meet at a certain stage of our lives.
there are some of these people who leave as readily as they come.
but there are also some who would leave a great impact on our lives, be it good or bad.
the friends i have met so far in life, i dont how many are true,
i dont know how many stay faithful.
but i do know one thing for sure.
for every single one of these pple that i meet,
i wanna make sure that i can make them smile and at least let them be happy
even if i am just one of those people who would just come and go.

2006-10-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

if i lay here, if i just lay here,
would you lay with me and just forget the world.

my life is so filled with uncertainty, so much that sometimes i fear what comes my way. i have been so used to rejections, so used to waiting. waiting for answers, waiting for pple. its as if i feel like i have spent half my life waiting for something that sometimes, i dont even know what i am waiting for and the purpose behind waiting anymore.

caught THE PRESTIGE today. it made me think alot.
its amazing how some pple can do anything and everything to get everything they want in life. but sometimes when we get what we desire for, we are still unable to be contented with whatever that we have around us. i am starting to wonder, will i ever be contented with what i have?

2006-10-21T03:47:00.000+08:00

have you ever been in a room and felt so lonely?cause thats how i am feeling. have you ever felt like everyone has got their eyes on you as if everything about u is wrong? It feels so quiet in my world. Nothing but rejections, nothing but insecurities, nothing but shit. I feel the urgent need to release all my frustrations and anger, let loose of all my emotions. I feel so fucking lost in this world. So left out, so unloved. I will never be good enough to fit in to this complicated shit called "the world"

2006-10-15T04:36:00.000+08:00

Life is like a mirror

life is like a mirror,
so easily broken
so easily scarred.
yet when we look into the mirror,
we see the reflection of every single tourture and pain we have been thru.
but yet we do not see the smiles
and the laughters in this mirror.
cause when we are happy, we tend to forget this piece of mirror,
so significant.
yet forgetable

2006-10-13T01:34:00.000+08:00

its been a busy busy day but i am loving it totally. headed down to golden mile to get my shoes.. heh then it was down to vivo city. all thanks to my ever so bright ideas, my shopping trip ended up unleashing the bimbotic side of nor. gosh. wells thereafter, we headed to town and met roach and stephy. wells talked alot but i shall spare the detalils.all in all.. it was a good day!

come away with me in the night.

2006-10-11T02:24:00.000+08:00

i guess multiple events in a day usually means a very complicating start and a very disturbing ending. yes that is exactly how i am feeling right now. Disturbed. so many things went on yesterday, worries about almost every lil tiny bit of everything. by the time i got home, i was so uptight and emotionally unstable, i took my pair of skates and went out skating at 10 pm. after completing about 4 km, i finally felt some kind of a emotional release. maybe in a way, my mind felt less cramped up.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.

2006-10-09T01:54:00.000+08:00

i am feeling so hungry right this moment. dont ask me why but i think my digestive system has been hyperactive lately. i wonder if something is really not right with my body. o wells..

sometimes i do wonder, why do pple enjoy the art of judging so much? they look and scrutinise at ur every single action. they make comment s about it and they spread it like wildfire. is that a new sport in town or something cus i think almost everyone is so into this art of judging thing. its not cool at all cus seriously how would u like it if ur being judged? ever reflected on that? i shall leave u to reflections

2006-10-08T01:06:00.000+08:00

its just one of those pretty normal days but me feeling totally abnormal. i have been feeling so empty the entire day. i have been so so lack of confidence the entire day to such an extent i dont even feel like getting out of my seat and moving. i suddenly no longer feel special. i feel awkward... i feel out of place. i dont fit into the world. i came un-notices, i shall leave un-noticed.

2006-10-08T00:58:00.000+08:00

this was last night's post.

this is my second time typing this cus blogger is screwed. o wells i was saying that i feel like an total idiot.in order to keep my chocolate coated gummies out of my reach, my mummy hid the whole entire thing somewhere in the house. and me being the usual greedy fool, i went around the kitchen looking for it but! it was no where to be found.o no i guess mum found out about my midnight snacking habit. sheesh!
ok the above paragraph was something totally random. shall move on to something more serious. i was just thinking, how many pple out there actually go weak in their knees when they happen to see their ex's around on the street? (its amazing how my thoughts can sometimes get so random) my first thought would be how should i react to my ex. i have a fear of looking into their eyes for fear of seeing the hurt that i have caused them. maybe its a sign of shame but i seriously cant bring myself to do that.
a conversation with my friend got me thinking. to what extent is one willing to go just to get the attention of their ex's? i was thinking, what if one day my ex and i were to let things get too far and get out of hand? would i have the decency to pull back? would i go against my morals and let it happen? sometimes i think its easy for pple to say so much and to rpreach the right values but when it seriously happens to them, would they be able to practice what they preach. would they be able to accept the fact that they are only human beings who make mistakes as well? i know its hard to accept this but no one is perfect and so i guess it is only natural to make mistakes but how u clean up the mess and how u handle the pressure form others is what really matters.

2006-10-06T02:50:00.000+08:00

this is becoming increasingly disturbing. i have been sleeping at the most ungodly hours of the day and surprisingly i am still able to wake up at some godknowswad timing just to meet my o so beloved nor.

i have been doing some reflections about myself once again and i realised alot of changes in me! o gosh. i have seen the bitch in me growing up day by day. the child in me diminishing into the shadows. i have grown up. grown to be someone who has a own dreams, who wants to do her own things and learn to think in her own manner! (so unique!)

i have learnt not to take things in my stride and to start fighting for what i really want in life. despite being at the age of 16, i am starting to find my thoughts evolving. sometimes i look myself in the mirror and i get a fright. o how much i must have aged.(i just made a bimbotic comment).

i have been clubbing way too much this year but seriously.. what can i do? all i can say is that i cant seem to resist the temptation of clubbing and parties. blame me if u need.

my sexuality prefference made for a turn as well. not that i am saying that i am a heterosexual now or something. i have changed from someone who cared so much about the labelling shits and all that i tend to focus so much on one sexual orientation that i realised how silly i have been all these while. right now to me, sexuality is something so liqufied that it can be altered if enough effort is put in. so why do i have to bother whatever sexual orientation do i fall for because ultamtely it is about the mutual feelings that the two parites in love are having agreed?

o wells i guss this has been an absoulutely long post so i shall seriously just stop here. its been a great 3/4 of a yr for me and seriously, i hope it will remain the way it is till my exams are over. loves

2006-10-04T01:54:00.000+08:00

Great day great company

its been a good tuesday for me. met my ultamate partner NOR in yishun in th morning haha then slacked at macs once again. then went to chill and all. went to meet steph and her bestie in the night for supper(but we ended up having just drinks) haha. we were supposed to meet at newton and i realised that there was no area for pple like us so we decided to head to PS instead. wanted to chill at rocky's but it was closed (at nine) so we went to cartel to slack. heh had so much fun and laughter pls. we were like crapping man heh. GFs from hell. however on the way back, i received a sms that totally ruined my wed. damiit. i hate it la (read more about it in my pte blog guys) but owells everything is fine overall.

i find myself thinking about u

2006-10-01T01:28:00.000+08:00

Have u ever

have u ever felt a lil bit of disappointment before? wells i mean thats how i feel now i guess when things cant proceed the way they should and all o wells i guess its not much of a big deal, can always do it next time haha. sighs.. i have been good i guess. been going out to study abit and wells nothing much i guess. finally got to meet nor today after like a whole entire week or something haha o wells its was good.. i missed her big time. had fun being bimbotic and all hahah but i always get bullied. always. i think this post is somewhat so superficial but o wells some know how to get in touch with my true feelings but for the rest? sorry just stick with this.

2006-09-27T17:36:00.000+08:00

this is really random but i am starting to believe that there is someone who is like superman in the movies that really do exist in our lives. there are just some pple are us with the ability to save our day by just saying some really simple things. call me naive but i really think that there is such things in live. i am really curious to know how many pple do realise that. its like giving a small kid chocolates, these "super beings" in our lives have the ability to make us happy. it may not have to be ur partners but it can be anyone else. probably ur friend or something.

2006-09-17T13:24:00.000+08:00

Nothing unusual

everything has been the same, meeting up with the usual company doing the usual stuff, smoking and chilling and STUDYING. havent really been feeling too good thou. o wells i have been rather easily agitated lately, god knows why but o wells i guess it will tide over soon.

how do i live without you
i want to know
how do i breathe without u
if u ever go
how do i ever ever survive
i miss u milky

2006-09-10T21:02:00.000+08:00

F'ed up

everything is so fucked up.
i feel fucked up.
i am starting to hate my life
i am strating to hate everything again.
my tears flow without comtrol
i dunno how to stop it. i hate it

2006-09-10T00:56:00.000+08:00

When i look into the mirror...

when i look into the mirror,
i see a girl so lonely and cold.

i guess in a way as i reflect throught the years, i have chnged a hell lot. some pple may think its good, some pple may think is bad but i personally think its a mixture of both. sometimes when i look back, i saw a rebellious girl, someone who knew nothing but just puffing her life away. i never did realise the importance of a family. i took my friends for granted. i was self centered.

right now, i have learnt to cherish the pple ard me and every moment spent with all of them. i have seen too much and i realise that these are the ones who stood by me. guys thanks.

i miss u

2006-09-09T01:22:00.000+08:00

HEAVILY BROKEN

i am heavily broken and i dont know what to do. cant u see that i'm choking, and i cant even move. when there is nothng left to say what can you do.

i am breaking deep down
i am crying
i yearn for u
i think of u
i miss u
i love u

i miss you mr milk

2006-09-08T00:35:00.000+08:00

time has a habit of slipping away

its dawned upon me that its the people around me,
its the laughters, the tears, the hurt that we shared,
that made me to who i really am today.

i sincerely thank those who have made my life so wonderful and so blissful.
i have come to realisation how easy time flies and whithou knowing u might just leave.
treasure the pple i love is my main aim now. i will no longer bother about what others say cux i truly anf ully know who my true friends are.

sweet babyy u turn me on
the love i have for u is growing by the min. i mis milk

2006-09-06T00:44:00.000+08:00

i personally like this pic alot.. i dunno why. alot of things happen today. but i dont know how to put it in words anymore. i am so frustrated with everything. the problems the pple ard me ard facing. these problems affect my mood. i wanna please everyone but i cant. i want pple ard me to be happy, but i have failed to do so. it hurts and i feel so darn helpless. maybe i think too much, maybe i am overconcerned. pple think i am naggy and they think i am some babysitter but guess wad.. i care cux these pple truly matter to me. i may not mention names but i know these pple know who they are.

i miss milk

2006-09-03T00:12:00.000+08:00

went out for the night and had loads of fun... i miss u!

2006-09-01T01:17:00.000+08:00

sad sad me

i really dont wish to talk about today. i saw too many pple i dont wish to see. i had great company thou. thanks guys.

i miss >>>>>>>>>>>MILK>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

2006-08-25T03:29:00.000+08:00

I DID A love test and here are my answers.

1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love. You took the short road which means that you fall in love quickly and easily.
2. The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return. In your case, you give 95 and expect 5 in return.
3. Whether you get your partner or not represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems. You went to get your partner which means you are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately.
4. The placement of roses determines how much you like to see your partner. Placing them on the bed means you like to see them quite alot during each week.
5. Finding them awake or asleep represents your attitude towards their personality. You found them asleep which means you love your partner the way they are.
6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone. You chose the longer road which means you will tend to stay in love for a long time.

2006-08-25T01:46:00.000+08:00

I MISS U

i miss u and its true. i go on and on and on talking about u yet i am not tired of u. the audience get tired of u but nt me heh. u light up my life you brought some colours again. ur smile makes me melt, your touch is enough to shatter me.

i miss milky

2006-08-23T15:23:00.000+08:00

Broken down

i have broken down so bad, i no longer know how to handle it. maybe its so much that it is just simply taking a toll on me. so much shit and so much to do. my love life.. i dunno how to handle that as well. maybe i am a loser. i no longer knows how to be open of my feelings. i have fallen for u and thats the truth. believe it or not, it wont be so easy anymore.

2006-08-23T00:19:00.000+08:00

sorry i have not been updating in a while. wells i was just thinking. what would it be like if we had turned back time? i miss u now and i will always miss u

2006-08-18T03:15:00.000+08:00

untittled

i am lost for words. made speechless again by u. ur words are so sweet but yet it hurt me so hard. its been three long years. u never left, u never did. you are still stuck on where u ard three years ago and even thou right now i am all ready to move on, ur not. u dont do anything about it, i know u dont want to. looking at the way u are only hurts even more but there is nothing i can do. Aileen, i really dont know what to say, i dont know what to do. pls tell me what can i do to allow u to move on, to allow u to fall in love again. you knew i loved u three years ago but right now, i simply dont deserve it no more. i am sorry but there is someone in my head and u know who that person is.

yklimssimi

2006-08-16T12:44:00.000+08:00

An apology

i know the people out there are really unhappy with the apology. but guess wad i do admit that i was at fault alrights? and after this whole matter i know very well how things will be like and for those who are closer to me will know the plans that i have up ahead. i dont plan to get back, i dont plan to do anything. just having the pple ard makes me contented alr. my kor who never fails to be there for me and to talk to me. my bestie who will always be there to stand up for me and to stay by my side, noor the bitch that i love tonnes who will never leave me in the lurch,magg who will always talk to me and bear with it no matter how childish i may be and most of all.... Milky... who thought me how to not bother about how pple think of u at all and just go on with life. the nonsense we would share deep into the night, the smile she paints on my face. i am thankful for pple ard me. thankful for those who are worry, thankful for those who asked.

i am sorry for being insesitive and for being such a bitch and i do admit that there are times where i can be such a bitch and just be so freaking childish. but just a slight correction. i was not expelled from school and i was a school drop out instead.

i miss u milky :))

2006-08-15T18:14:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i wonder... how far can someone go to sacrifice themselves for their friends? how much can one go to protect thier friends, how far can one go to show respect to the pple ard them. i am slowly finding that ans. like i said in my last entry.. i dont think that all pple are not true. i have betrayed and i have backstabbed but yet i admitted to those mistakes and if i havent to anyone yet... i am sorry and i think that there will be pple there for me and guess wad i totally have confidence in the pple ard me that when i need them i will not lose them. i am not at all worried.

imissmilk.

2006-08-15T01:02:00.000+08:00

i dont see a need for anyone to bother about my own reputation. Reputations can be ruined and pple can look so bad at me but i know for sure true friends are hard to come by and i must say its those who have stuck by me all these while who stay true to me. thanks guys.. i do appreciate it. and thanks milky for cracking me up all the time. rah u always make my dae.

maybe to others i may be who i seem to be but i know one thing.. only a few has seen who i really am. i dont deny being bitchy... nor calls me that heh. but i love her all the same. but i know nor, jes joey and bev all knows how i really am. and i thank god for findung u guys. for u i dont need anything.. i just need u

2006-08-14T03:17:00.000+08:00

Maybe right now i have come to a point where i dont wish to bother about reputation anymore? or maybe the only thing that matters to me is my true friends. i cant stop pple from judging what kind of person i am exactly neither can i psycho them to think of me the way i want them to. i dont bother about it. u wanna judge me from what u hear and what u see den go all ahead cux then i will know that ur not all that sincere in knowing me after all right? i dont deny that hearing unpleasant things about myself hurts but no one said that i had to bother about these shits. no one said so. i only hope for the person in my mind to be happy and for the rest of my friends? i am going to hand it to u guys. u guys wanna go on being my friend despite hearing everything or do u guys wanna wanna leave its up to u. i have said my piece. the rest.. u guys get to decide.

2006-08-13T22:57:00.000+08:00

Breaking inside

i am breaking down inside. i dont understand why pple judge. i hate to be judged. i am sick and tired of it... spare me.. i like her so wad? wrong? wrong to like a girl? wrong to like someone better? i dunno just spare me

2006-08-03T21:45:00.000+08:00

Realisation

had a talk with NOR and Mag just now. i came to relisation that i have not been so lost in my r/s life. i have no idea why. i realise that i have become so independent. too independent. i have learnt to do everything on my own. i have learnt to face my daily problems on my own. i have built up a wall between me and others out there. i no longer know how to rely on others. to me opening up to others is a sign of weakness.. a sign of me giving up. i guess my independence came together with my singlehood. i was thrown to the reality of life again. i am so afraid of falling back. i am even too afraid to look back now. i am so afraid of falling back to where i first begun. so afraid of becoming weak.. i have always told others to believe in love, but yet right now.. i dont know how much of it can i believe in anymore. i have forgotten how isit like to be loved, how isit like to be special, how is it like to love again. i am giving up. i need to take the barrier off and i know it but yet i really dont know how to. how to rely, how to trust, how to overcome my very own phobia. it does not make sense and i know it.but i need to get it off my chest.

2006-07-15T12:52:00.000+08:00

how am i to know if u notice me.... i dont even know. maybe u dont at all. she is all u need and me? i am nothing NOTHING AT ALL....

2006-07-14T00:05:00.000+08:00

Blank

i am at a point where my head and my mind is in a total blank. i don't know wad to do with it. i know i want and i need someone but there is no one who can sweep me off my feet just yet i guess.

aileen has been over a few times this week. she is so so so going to FRANCE la how jealous... but never mind

I AM GOING TO BINTAN FOR THE ST NICS CAMP! WHOOTS! WILL BE GONE ON THE THIRD TO FIFTH OF NEXT MONTH! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! HOW HAPPY! HAHH! CALL ME COACH!

2006-07-09T23:08:00.000+08:00

its amazing.

sometimes its the peple you least notice that stands out at the right time. just like her. she never stood out to me but yesterdae she sufddenly appeared to be so special. after all these yrs she has been loving me. i think i am starting to love her:)

2006-07-02T13:57:00.000+08:00

2006-06-28T21:26:00.000+08:00

maybe you will never get to see this but let me tell u the fact

i have missed you so much

2006-06-18T23:21:00.000+08:00

jealousy....

i have to admit now that i am a lilttle jealous. its like i am suddenly losing my bestie. i no longer knows who she is and what is she thinking and it worries me. sighz. i just start to wonder, why isit that i am so protective over the people around me. it does not only apply to my best friend but to everyone else around me. isit because i am so scared of losing my friends and everything. i know its plain childish but i have been backstabbed so many times and i have my friends leaving me so often ,it scares me. i don't know how to put it but i just hate the feeling of losing others. i don't want others to be hurt by others and neither do i want myself to get hurt as well. the feeling is so bad. i don't know whats gotten into me todae and i don't wish to know for the time being. thank you.

2006-06-18T01:52:00.000+08:00

right now i think i am starting to open up myself and accept things better. alot better. i can take my blows easily now and i can ctrl my temper alot better. i am starting to feel sweetness all over me again and i am starting to feel secure and comfortable with who i am finally. yes myab my life is un-acceptable but seriously right now its MY life i am leading not two pple's life. i am happy the way i am. studying when i should sit down and read a good book with COFFEE and clubbing when i wish to. i am cutting down on my fag and just trying to tighten on my expenses. i like the way i am. no worries and just sweet. i am just staring to feel so sweet and comfortable with this SOMONE around me and its like i like the feeling(since its been like almost two years since i last felt this way) i won't call that kinda feeling a crush neither would i call it a liking. its just the kind of feeling you get whereby you just feel in bliss and happy. She makes my dae all the time and She just gives me the kind of feeling that i can settle down with. well i don't know if she feels the same way too. but i like the way things are. slow and steady. i realise that when my feelings come fast, they usually end in a even faster speed which i am so SICK and TIRED of. She cares and She is concern. but i don't know if she is this nice to all her friends. i don't wish to just end up falling for someone who is wrong again. i like the pace i am going and its sweet. nothing but sweetness. She won't make me go gaga over her but i constantly think of her. i Don't miss her so badly, but i miss her, i do. she makes me feel so pleasant. so peaceful. its nice, its good right? right now i won't saw i want a future with her but i just want time with her, get to know her better and just wells slowly fall in love again. i emphasise SLOWLY. i don't know if you know who you are or if you are even reading this but... i think i miss u alot. :))

2006-06-16T00:15:00.000+08:00

IRONY

i find life such an irony. hmmm you can announce to the entire world that u are truly happy but den you start ranting about how unhappy you are because u are so free from trouble and ur life feels empty. and the there is another scenario whereby you are so sad and so upset but then u realise that amongst the unhappiniess u are happy... its wierd isn't it? its almost impossible for us to just settle down with one kind of emotion without having to feel the other emotions gushing in. maybe i am the only one thinking this wae but i still think that its funny. i find myself asking myself how am i really really feeling and yes, the answer is i cant sttle for any emotions. all i know is that in my heart right now.. i miss someone... this particular person. i have a vision of her but her face is so blurred. its like a sillouette. no no maybe put it this way its a figure without much of a face. how wierd.i have to stop thinking like that.. i think i am so so abnormal but o wells wad can i sae? PRINCESS MAE is never normal is she? -i miss u-

2006-06-15T12:45:00.000+08:00

Went to have seoul garden with bestie and elroy yesterdae.. gosh i ate so much la! growing fat dae by dae man hahah hmm wells den we went to town to play pool and elroy left after that... bestie and i den proceeded to go shopping hmm bought a top for myself. finally... i am happy i got something for myself at least hahah hmmm den we slacked at bk and all haha! bestie broke the chain and took her first puff after one week yesterdae! hmm o wells. like i said its just a choice isn;t it hmmm and that bestie of mine think she opening some kind of matchmaking agency la! tsk tsk tsk idiot...
WIFEY AND ME!

kaesen and wifey... AHEM!

me sarb and tracy

chikini, pisai and mae

all of us! Nat and i

Mae and elroy

brudders

2006-06-10T13:00:00.000+08:00

o am now in school as usual for all sats... and its raining cats and dogs out there WOOF! hahah hmmm had lunch with my chinese teacher and we had a really good talk ahah. candy is not here again and i fuckin miss my old one la! humpf. owells she better be here next week.. nothing to talk abgout right now so i shall update tonight! tas!

2006-06-09T23:29:00.000+08:00

I duno why but its like i am strating to see the colours of human nature.... we pick fight at the smallest imperfection we see. we break up for the smallest reasons we can find and we in turn find the smallest reason we can to patch back and this goes round in a circle! gosh what is the world coming to? why do we often expect things to be so perfect/ and yet when things are so so perfect,we claim to find an imperfection in that bit of perfection. i do admit i am one who is like that. i find so much imperfection in such a perfect relationship and i dont seem to be contented with how everything turns out. call me indecisive but isn't that how things is? when we get into a r/s we would expect so much out of one another and most of the time(i am saying MOST OF THE TIME) when we get what we want, we expect even more out of it. slowly jealousy creeps in and a whole entire lot of crap just happens. its contradicting yes i know but thats how things are! its a fact. i want to learn to be contented whith what i have and i am learning every minute. when u are easily contented, simplicity would come in.

2006-06-07T16:56:00.000+08:00

I have come to a point in time where i just want to take all my troubles and my sadness and hide it deep within me and just simply put on a mask in front of everyone else. i am so tired of pple looking at me and telling me to cheer up when it is almost impossible to. i dunno how to smile like i used to. i no longer have the motivation to do anything but just study and club and play. thats all. i nolonger know what i want. sometimes i just wish that you have not fallen for me and just moved on with ur own life because i know very well that i will never fall for u like how i did three years ago. deep down within i know i love someone but guess wad that person is not you. this may come harsh but i am really sorry. i love *her and only my best friend knows who she is. she may just be a fantasy but i knoe i will never be able to let her off my mind. she is the one for me. gal... move on with ana now... she loves u and that is something i can never do ok i am sorry

2006-06-02T17:26:00.000+08:00

my head is spinning for u i dunno what to do. i wanna jus let all my emotions flow but that is weakness in ur eyes. i wanna jus drink my thoughts awae!

2006-05-29T12:46:00.000+08:00

Hmm thanks alot leen

i am so shocked la hmmm leen the presents were sweet and yes i was cheered up alot thanks alot ok hmmm thanks u to bestie too! she has been there for me all the time and yes i am so grateful for u guys

2006-05-28T21:57:00.000+08:00

SURPRISE?!

dammit! i am to go find leen later... she claims that she has a surprise for me argh... wad the fuck can it be man... hmmm leen it better not be anything funny sia.. i scared. hahah hmmm wells todae went to hang out and leen wanted to pick me up but TOO BAD! hahah hmmm my dad was on his wae alr hahah hmmm so sorry gal... hmmm wells anywae i am gonna meet leen now so i will update again on the stupid surprise hahah

2006-05-21T17:28:00.000+08:00

the truth.

the moment you left me at the bus stop
i felt the tears flow
they were uncontrollable.
i don't know how u feel for me
but i know i am falling deep.
my friends are telling me to let go and leave
but i know i can never do that.Never
i await to see u everydae
i dream of ur beautiful smile everynight
ur touch, ur kiss, ur hug, everything about u
i just cant forget.
i miss u so much
but do you?

2006-05-14T00:31:00.000+08:00

i am so lost so confused...

BABY.. i miss u i really do
but looking at what i see
hearing what i hear
i am starting to fear.
i have fallen for you thats a fact
but have u fallen for someone else
i really dont know
part of me wants to know
but part of me chooses to live in denial.
baby... if u think you like me and when u see this
pls give me an answer
let me know if my wait will be worth it
even thou i know i will still stay where i am and wait..
i miss u.
i really do
can we meet up soon and let me hear ur voice
see your face
to know u are ok
pls.
babyy... i have fallen for u
sorry

2006-05-11T14:02:00.000+08:00

Finally i have reached ntu and the both idiots are just sleeping la! how smart loh.... eave me alone... i so sad la hmmmm o wells i dunno la hmmmmm mich is going to K box la that idiot and she is high on chocolates hahah hmmmm unbelievable la hmmmm she is going to put on weigh and then complain and complain again n again o gosh.... -faints- hahah mich! watch it k watch it seriously haha hmmm o wells i am so bored la hmmmm

2006-05-11T11:40:00.000+08:00

hmmm i am still at home hahah hmmm heading town to ntu later to find SILLY OLD MAN and pisai....

<-------- is MY old man hahaah hmmmmm so adorable and a whold bundle of joy! hmmm its so fun to just have her around la! ahah hmmmmm i misss herr la humpf....

yesterdae went to town to meet mich benji and IVAN(ian and evan) hahah hmmm yup den we went to rockys la hmmm sat and rot den my old man and pisai had to go first.... (i think i knew where they went la) hmmm den after that Benji wanted to watch movie. we watch MI 3 hahah hmmm so nice loh pls hahah hmmmm den Ian and pisai and szeteng and ian's cousin came to ctach the movie with us. hmmm sat beside pisai and Cousin hmmm keep wanting to glance over and *you but i did not dare to la. i dont want *you to feel wierd la hmmmm yup... hmmm den went home and reached aroung 12 .30 hmmmm bathe and then MY OLD MAN CALLED! hahah hmmmm she was feeling so pissed man.... -sayang- ok babyy.... hmmmm hush.... i wish i could just be there to hug her tight and reassure her. i miss u alrights?! hmmm take good care... CURRY PUFF DELIVERY! HERE I COME!

<----------- thans MY old man and PIsai! we call them IVAN! hahah hmmmmm

2006-05-09T17:35:00.000+08:00

tsk tsk tsk BUTCH officially take a longer time than gals to dress.... tsk tsk tsk

2006-05-09T17:11:00.000+08:00

POOR GAL STUCK IN BETWEEN

i am so confused now... hmmm i dunno but in a way i know she is stuck in between and i dont wish to rush her. Gal.. if you see this, i just wanna tell you no one is rushing you ok? make whatever decison you think is best for yourself ok? no matter what decision it is i will be happy for you. i promise and i promise to stay by ur side and go wherever you wil go. i Promise and this promise will not be broken ok? jus stay happy and i will be happy too.

currently in NTU to find ian and evan hmmmm wells we all came up with wierd names for ourselves. EVAN is EVAN DUA PISAI and IAN is IAN DUA KINGKONG! hahaha hmmmm as for myself... i would prefer not to sae it la huh.. i shy la hahah hmmmmm wells we are getting ready to head down to town later hmmm wells i am happy truly happy with the way things are now. i am moving on well and i can finally declare that i am FINALLY a stronger person be it on the outside or deep down.

I AM MISSING *YOU ALREADY

2006-05-07T02:24:00.000+08:00

Face it mae!

i have go to face it sooner or later don i keep having the urge to smoke. i have totally lost all contacts with her. i put this whole entire thing to an end already. i really dunno wad to sae but i am already at the limits. i feel so tired of her disappearence and everything its enough. i dunno ,y tears are jus waiting to come out but they cant. i have no more to cry and i am so tired of just sitting there and crying and just waiting for her to call. i must end it sooner of later. mayb the final conclusion is that i am not the one for her. she can alwaes find someone else beter and i think i should not be an obstruction to her in doing so. my heart aches so bad but i have to let it go. i tot that i have finally moved on from my past when i met her but its like things are just goin around in circles. the agony i am going through deep within me no one will eer know. i am just grateful for the fact that she tried to love me thats all. at least she tried. i dunno as i m typing this post my tears just feel like flowing. i dunno how to face it but i only know i have to. help me face the fact.... it sucks. so much for committing and all. what is love?! who will love?! i am jux plain jane with nothing to offer. maybe its time i start to reflect. i am sorry for being so stupid.

2006-05-01T17:56:00.000+08:00

WHAT IS LOVE?

what is love? i am still questioning and i am still finding for an answer. i wanna know the answer. and i hope i will soon

2006-04-30T23:16:00.000+08:00

I MISSED HER!

i know that she wont be able to see this post or wad la but i really wanna let her know that i missed her badly and all la hmmm i will hold on and i am holding on. i know i wont be able to find someone like her anymore. everyone out there can say thiat i am dumb and everything but the thing is i DONT CARE! i love her for who she is and i will continue to love her. no matter wad. she means so much to me. she may not know that and frankly i do not know how much do i matter to her at all but i hope i do. i received an sms from her and in a way i was glad and relieved. i miss her i really do

- if you think that loving me is a mistake den let go-

2006-04-25T23:08:00.000+08:00

hmmm blogged yesterdae and all la hmmm but the post was erased. hmm i haven received any messages or emails or fone call from her at all and i seriously miss her voice so much. on top of that i am really worried for her as well i really do not know where she is and all la. :( i am sad. and a lil disappointed i guess. hmmm i miss her bad. she is alwaes on my mind and i feel so lost jus wondering where is she. GAL! WHERE ARE YOU?! I MISS U BADLY! I NEED U! I REALLY DO.

2006-04-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

i have not heard from her in a long time and frankly i miss her like crazy la hmmm wells i dunno la sometimes i wonder why... hmmm went for orientation todae... and wells i had fun la got tanned but after that this particular bitch messaged me and spoilt my entire mood la.. i got so pissed off with the wae she talked. i hate it la. really disappointed with the wae she talked la. she ought to just admit her mistakes. some pple just has too much ego to put down. i dunno why too. i tot mayb she would change but i am so wrong pls. so so wrong. what is with the ego? is ur ego really so great that u cant even admit to something wrong that u have done? hmmm it makes me wonder if one dae everyone were to be like that then what would happen to the world?! wouldn't there be conflicts all over!? i admit that i do have my ego as well but i know how to put it all down and just apologise! come on man. i am just so disappointed in the people around me. i realise thta changes just happen overnight and it really freaks me out. i am so worried. i miss her so much. i really do. i want her to call me or just drop me a message to tell me how she is doin. i feel so lost without her. she is on my head all the time. i think of her all the time. now that something like that has happen and i really need someone to talk to i really just wish to hear her voice or just to hear her laughter will do. can someone pls tell me where is she?! i miss u gal. i really do. and i am really worried about u... just let me know that u are fine ok?

to love and to like is a whole different thing.
do you love me?
thats the question in my head
cause right now i know that i really love you...
you are the only one in my head right now
the one and only occupying my heart
and you are the one who made me realise
how much i can focus on love

2006-04-17T21:57:00.000+08:00

wells she wont be around for the next few daes i guess hmmm i am so sad... i miss her already. but i know that she needs to study as well la hmmm wells its ok she will contact me sooon i hope. but i miss her so dearly.... gal if you see this i jux wanna tell you... I LOVE YOU

2006-04-16T22:16:00.000+08:00

alot f things happened this few days. Received quite a bit of shock andi dunno... but i am living in bliss?! hahah hmmm i am so happy la i havent really learn to truly smile for a long long time but right now i feel that every smile i give is truly deeply from my hearti am really happy. Thank you so much gal i am so glad to have met you in the first place. i miss you i really do every moment i am thinking of you and thinking how you are doin.. you mean more to me than you think

2006-04-14T11:28:00.000+08:00

Wad is commitment?

Hmmm had this conversation with Bestie yesterdae which inspires this blog entry. whatever that is going to be said on the following enrty is only my own personal pointo of view and if anyone wants to post any opinions pls feel free to drop me a mail.

-commitment is like drinking and smoking... its more of a choice. If someone saes "its impossible for me to stay commited" i think they should reconsider their words. everyone can stay commited to the one they love but is there enough love to make that person commit into the relationship is another story.

-Commitment is important in a relationship. if one party does not remain commited to the other party then how is the relationship going to go on? ok lets put it this way ok maybe sometimes we cannot control our feelings and we dont have enough self discipline to stay faithful to our partners and our feelings straybut deep down we know who we still love most and that i our partner. thats a whole different story. but if someone did not try to even commit right from the start of the relaionship then i seriously see no point in the relationship cause ultamately it wont work out.

in a relationship i think it very important to compromise. both parties should learn to give in to one another. like i alwaes say in life we cant alwaes have it our wae. sometimes things cannot be change because it is a fact ane we have to learn to accept that fact. if you truly love someone compromise with her and in the meantime accept her flaws. It takes more than jux love to maintain a relationship but love still plays an important role in a relationship. Before you guys quarrel please look at the haapier times spent together and alwaes look back and ask yourself this question.."why did i fall for her in the beginning"

2006-04-14T00:32:00.000+08:00

in my room now... feeling super cold and all hmmm realli cold and abit lonely i guess i kinda miss *you hmmm i dunno why but i miss your messages and the wae you never fail to make me smile hmm ahah.

my dae may start off realli rough but when i talk to you i feel so happy and relaxed and its this that makes me even more sure about how i feel towards you. i have not felt such bliss in sucha long time and the feeling is sweet... i wish i could hear your voice right now haha.

i may seem like i am crazy in love... hmm wells mayb i am not crazily in love but i know for sure right now that i can assure everyone out there this is gonna be more than just a crush and deep down...... i am scared. There are just too many "what ifs" in my head.

i know that this may just be a one sided thing and i may end up with nothing only because she does not tell me how exactly she feels towards me liking her or mayb through wad she saes there is an underlying meaning in it... but i seriously dunno anything. i hope its not a one sided thing or mayb its too fast to sae anything... but i wana sae, i am affrimed of my feelings and i know i wont regret my actions.

i know that maybe it may be tuff because its not exactly normal and all bu i really dont care... i know i can bear with it. ijust hope that she can tell me exactly wad she is feeling inside. i miss her, does she? hmmm shall end here.. i miss u and to all those out there you guys may not know who this person is but all i can sae is she is so far awae but yet she makes me smile so much its amazing... i wanna live in such bliss forever:))

2006-04-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

hmmm wells lets see todae was a rainy dae... and well... hmmm i guess i caught a cold or something la AGAIN hahah wells after class went to town for a walk with Nadia hahah my classmate... well den we went to mini toons and we saw this nice rose that was made out of feathers and wells i got two of it one for nadia and one for my mummy! hmmmm i got one for nadia because her Bf is in New Zealand and wells i guess in a wae she was feeling a lil upset cux she wont be seeing him until like 3 mths later? hmmm so i tot that mayb i should cheer her up and i got her the rose and as for my mum wells... come to think of it its been a long time since i last got her something and i thought well since i was picking her up from kkh i might as well cheer her up right? den i went with her to replace my ATM card and hmmm we went for snacks and she took me shopping... hmmm althou we have some financial problems and all its like she actually wanted to get me something but i rejected la... hmmm i realise that i should start growing up and wells jus stop like spending so much if i dont have the ability to pay for myself... hmmm i do admit that there are some things that i wish i can get but i guess that can wait right?! :)) hmmm wells after that mummy went to meet daddy to go meet some pple la i dunno who so i went to meet mag la... hmmm okok KAEVIS hahah hmmm wells i told her about *you and wells she is happy for me! hmmm and we talked about she and her gf and talked about me la... hmmm wells after our conversation its like i realise after all that has happened in the past few months... i have really grown up alot and its like i have learnt through my mistakes... hmmm told Kaevis about wad kinda person *you were and wells i realise that hmmmm *you have unknowingly created a motivation for me to change.... well not to change for *you but to change for the better of myself.. i have realised some of my flaws and i want to change them for the better and i guess *you have created a motivation to be a better person.. hmmmm actually wad *you told me todae i realise that pple often have a mistaken first impression about me but wells i guess first impression will change rite? -looks at *you- haha Kaevis and i have grown and even though we have known each other for mayb a period of 3 mths? hmmm we have both seen changes in one another and i guess as we have more Conversations together our friendship grows as well hmmm wells i am really Glad to have older friends around me to look upon me...and to speak with me using their actual level of maturity.. i really appriciate it hahah Thanks... esp *you.. *you never fail to make me smile and make me think so much! hmmm if my white hair pops out i shall blame *you! just kidding... i realli appriciate it la hmmm and wells all i can say is i have been missing out too much in life in my friends life(true friends) and my family life... hmmm if you guys start to see me change for the better thank the INVISIBLE motivation given by *you hahah hmmm wells thats all i guess its a long entry i know hahah so sorry.. PS i went out with my REAL MUMMY!

2006-04-09T14:56:00.000+08:00

hmm yesterdae... went to class early in the morning hmmm wells candy was late for class la hahah hmmm SUPER DUPER LATE LA! haha hmmm den after class i went to tiong with candy and davius to watch ICE AGE 2! so FUNNY LA! haha hmmm den after that went to bugis with candy and we sat down to chat... owells wad can i sae... it made me rather upset cux its like as if all my past jux came back to me.... later went to town to meet keith and wayne hmmm den went home with K and sat at yishun station there to talk hmm when she left i dunno why my tears jus came down like that i was so.. emotional for that moment.. i have to admit i was really upset. anyway... ade called! haha hmm i am so happy la! i like to talk to her! hmmmi wanna talk to her! humpf... i miss her la hmmmm wells bestie called to and we came to a conclusion that we are one pair of wierd besties! hahah ASK BESTIE! hahah thats about all i guess... I WANNA TALK TO ADE!

-wo xiang wo yi jing shi qu ni-

2006-04-06T20:01:00.000+08:00

HAHA! i am hyper! now at CANDY's hse hahah hmmmm i am so so happy! heex hmmmi am so so happy! heex heh heh i love all of you out there!

2006-04-04T13:50:00.000+08:00

hmm i jus ended my class hmmm wells i dunno la i am like so so luan la haiz... i just hope that things will be fine soon... i dont wish to drift awae from you guys but i did not mean to la hmmm....

2006-04-02T12:45:00.000+08:00

hhah hmmm wells yesterday was christine's bdae.. haha hmmm we all went to marina for steamboat! hahah hmmm well we had so so much fun la hmmm wells swan me and mich they all all went to the bay there hahah hmmm took some crappy pics la hahah hmmm wells anyway... i havent had so much fun in a long time thanks guys

2006-03-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

I quit sch and joined a private school already... feeling more relaxed and positive now... hmmm i know i will be able to do better i really know hmmm o wells hmmm i am feeling so happy now... hmmm wells cux... haha never mind! ahhh! i miss u!

2006-02-23T22:05:00.000+08:00

Some of you may know wad happened la hmmm wels i am in a very very lost state of mind rite now i am not even sure wad to do.... i was called a slut and i was labelled as cheap maybe he is riet... i am jux a cheap slut that will never deserve anyone else... i miss *you so much i wish *you were here to protect me but *you cant... i am sure *you would want to if *you were here... i nid *you by my side.... i realli do... can i have *you for myself? i love *you

2006-02-11T20:55:00.000+08:00

hmmm i have not blogged in ages alr hmmm had my bdae barbeque and all la hmmm but i dunno la hmmmm i am starting to get realli cynical about love... about everything happeneing ard me..i know i wanna be love yet i know i wnt find it... sumtimes its jux sooo sucky la .... hmmm i wanna know how to love i wanna noe how it feels like to be loved but no it will never happen ever again.... *u mattered to me but i never did to *u...

2006-01-27T14:40:00.000+08:00

hmmmm todae... going over to jus hse hahah by rite wanted to go club one but end up haiz....

2006-01-25T10:37:00.000+08:00

hmmm i am in sch rite now hmmm feeling very bored hahah hmmm o wells go home den blog anw pple! hellos!

2006-01-23T21:06:00.000+08:00

hmmm been a realli quiet dae todae....hmmm tt person never msg me the entire dae hmmm kinda miss tt la hmmm humpf... i duunoo but u seem upset now and all i realli dnt wish to see u like tt hmmm the only reason why i am wanting to stop you is because i dnt wanna see u hurt again... i dunno but i guess ijux dnt wan u upset la hmmm but i m in no position to sae anything at all...

2006-01-22T21:45:00.000+08:00

went out with zevan again todae hahah hmmm been seeing alot of her face lately leh hahah hmmm wells mmm i dunnoe todae not feeling too good i guess kept wanting to cry la hunpf hmmm cried in front of herr so paiseh la humpf mux have looked dam dam silly la! hahahah hmmm i miss my BESTIE! humpf when are we goin out?! hahah hmmm wells hmmm tml probably goin to cut hair but b4 tt pop by and visit calvin hahahhmmm

What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk? I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out) I drive these brothers crazy, I do it on the daily, They treat me really nicely, They buy me all these ice-ys. Dolce & Gabbana, Fendi and then Donna Karan, they be sharin’ All their money got me wearin’ Fly gearrr but I ain’t askin, They say they love my ass ‘n, Se7en Jeans, True Religion, I say no, but they keep givin’ So I keep on takin’ And no I ain’t takenWe can keep on datin’ I keep on demonstrating. My love, my love, my love, my love You love my lady lumps, My hump, my hump, my hump, My humps they got u, She’s got me spending. (Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me. She’s got me spendin’. (Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk? I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. What u gon’ do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans? I’m a make, make, make, make you scream Make u scream, make you scream. Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out) I met a girl down at the disco. She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go. I could be your baby, you can be my honey Lets spend time not money. I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff, Milky, milky cocoa, Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight. They say I’m really sexy, The boys they wanna sex me. They always standing next to me, Always dancing next to me, Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump. Lookin’ at my lump, lump. U can look but you can’t touch it, If u touch it I’ma start some drama, You don’t want no drama, No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama So don’t pull on my hand boy, You ain’t my man, boy, I’m just tryn’a dance boy, And move my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump. My lovely lady lumps x3 In the back and in the front. My lovin’ got u, She’s got me spendin’. (Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me. She’s got me spendin’. (Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me. What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk? I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. What you gon’ do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans? I’ma make, make, make, make you scream Make you scream, make you scream. What you gon do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk? I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk, Get you love drunk off this hump. What you gon’ do wit all that breast? All that breast inside that shirt? I’ma make, make, make, make you work Make you work, work, make you work. She’s got me spendin’. Spendin all your money on me and spendin’ time on me She’s got me spendin’. Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me.

2006-01-22T12:19:00.000+08:00

i dunno why as i was packing my room i had an i dea i started to paste my fotos around my room den went to search for my pics... but! but but but! i found a box of letters written by *you haiz i dunno y but i started to cry... my heart ached as i saw how much our r/s chamged. i saw our fotos i saw the comments written and then i realised i did love *you so much... i feel so drained of my love... no one knowes how i realli feel. i realli wanna jux be a freind rite now but i guess i am not even goin to be given that chance... my heart is jux hurting as i see u fading away dae by dae even as a friend... i see ur problems thru ur blog yet i feel so helpless... i feel dumb i feel numb numb of all theat u have given and taken away from me.... i no longer want to love cux i am afriad i no longer want to smile cux i dnt noe how... i want u to be happy and i wanna be happy again too... i miss u my dear friend zae... and... i have moved on now and i will be happy:))

2006-01-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

hmmm well finally got a new blog la hahah quite nice eh? hahah hmmm todae went out again hahah hmmm i went to sch early in the morn for hist den mit Zevan go walk walk hmmmm alot of things happen la hahah hmmm den aft went to find herr bro at tamp starbucks hahahh mmm well she dam funny loh and so small size la hmmm den went to tp again hahah hmmm wells met Calvin and Adel hahah they both started dis boob squeezing thingy la hahah we behave like small kids la hahah hmmm den suppose go play pool but go find Dax awhile la hahah hmmm den Adel wanted to go and change contacts so follow loh but b4 tt met BJ and Manda la hahah hmmm at the spects shop as usual so spastic la! hahah hmmm den try new spects and all la den adel cannot see cux mux let the eyes rest awhile hahah dam furny la pls hmmm go pasa malam buy food eat and eat la dam la haha hahah mm den aft gotta go mit my parents la hmmm den left loh but we suppose to go play pool one loh :( hahah hmmmmm anws hmmm go for reunion and blah blah blah ahahah now at home and those pple fixing my new furniture la hahah QUEEN SIZE BED! hahah hmmmm ok la go check on them la hahah la la la

-i wanna be able to know how to love and to be loved again-

2006-01-21T23:54:00.000+08:00

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